neue Texte von der Nigeria Connection

[Christoph Schnauß]

hallo Forum,

man kannte das ja längst, daß Arafats Witwe oder hochrangige Taliban-Kämpfer sehr persönliche mails schrieben und darum baten, daß man schnell mal 50 Millionen Dollar gegen eine geringe Gebühr für sie zwischenbunkern sollte. Jetzt gibts eine neue Textvariante, die sich bei mir so darstellt:

=======
Dear Schnauss,
I am Mr Steven John, the personal accounting officer to Mr  Williams Schnauss,a national of your country, who used to work with shell development company in West Africa. Here in after shall be referred to as my client.
On the 21st of April 2001, my client, his wife And their three children were involved in a car accident along sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives.
...

Der arme Onkel William, von dem ich ja noch gar nicht wußte, daß es ihn gab, ist also leider infolge eines Autounfalls verschieden. Traurig. Aber da ich offenkundig sein nächster noch lebender Verwandter bin, muß ich jetzt unbedingt die von ihm hinterlassenen 53 Millionen US-Dollar erben. Alles, was ich zu tun habe, ist:

=======
Send me the following information :
1,Your Full names :
2, Your Private secured telephone number:
3,Your occupation :
4,  Your Office address or home address :

Darf ich jetzt mal schnell eine Million für das diesjährige SELF-Treffen spenden?

Grüße aus Berlin

Christoph S.

[Gernot Back]

Hallo Christoph,

Darf ich jetzt mal schnell eine Million für das diesjährige SELF-Treffen spenden?

So viel Beluga-Kaviar können wir doch gar nicht grillen!

Gruß Gernot

[Christoph Schnauß]

hallo Gernot,

Darf ich jetzt mal schnell eine Million für das diesjährige SELF-Treffen spenden?
So viel Beluga-Kaviar können wir doch gar nicht grillen!

Ach was, wer redet denn von Kaviar. Ich dachte daran, daß man ja jedem Teilnehmer als Begrüßungsgeschenk ein Exemplar des neuen Buchs von Stefan sowie ein Auto im Wert von 20 000 Euro zukommen lassen könnte. Das würde allerdings bedeuten, daß nicht mehr als 50 Leute zum Treffen kommen dürften, oder ich müßte meine Spendensumme sogar noch erhöhen ...

Grüße aus Berlin

Christoph S.

[Orlando]

Hallo Christoph,

Ich dachte daran, daß man ja jedem Teilnehmer als Begrüßungsgeschenk ein Exemplar des neuen Buchs von Stefan sowie ein Auto im Wert von 20 000 Euro zukommen lassen könnte.

Wären 53.958,- für mich drinnen? Du dürftest selbstverständlich mitfahren.

Das würde allerdings bedeuten, daß nicht mehr als 50 Leute zum Treffen kommen dürften, oder ich müßte meine Spendensumme sogar noch erhöhen ...

Ganz wie du willst, da mische ich micht nicht ein.

Grüße
Roland

[Felix Riesterer]

Lieber Christoph,

Dear Schnauss,

Hehe, die Scripte werden auch immer pseudo-schlauer.

the personal accounting officer to Mr  Williams Schnauss,a national of your country, who used to work with shell development company in West Africa.

Das scheint mir sowohl grammatische, als auch zeichensetzerische Probleme zu haben: Das überzählige Leerzeichen vor "Williams", sowie das fehlende Leerzeichen nach dem Komma; heißt es wirklich "officer to somebody"? Werde das mal prüfen - meiner Meinung nach müsste es eher "officer of somebody" sein...

Here in after shall be referred to as my client.

Ohje! Das klingt ja schauderhaft! Wie sollte man denn sowas übersetzen? "Hier im Arsch soll als mein Klient Bezug darauf genommen werden" - oder so ähnlich? *SCNR*

On the 21st of April 2001, my client, his wife And their three children were involved in a car accident along sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives.

Aha, "and" schreibt er groß, den Namen "Sagbama Express Road" aber nicht... Lausig, lausig!

Darf ich jetzt mal schnell eine Million für das diesjährige SELF-Treffen spenden?

Warum nur dem Treffen? Wie wäre es, dieses Geld dem Forum zukommen zu lassen, damit die Poster mit den meisten Postings etwas gewinnen können? Ja, genau! Das letzte Gewinnspiel war viel zu schwer und nicht ausreichend lukrativ genug!

Liebe Grüße aus Ellwangen,

Felix Riesterer.

[Christoph Schnauß]

hallo Felix,

Darf ich jetzt mal schnell eine Million für das diesjährige SELF-Treffen spenden?
Warum nur dem Treffen? Wie wäre es, dieses Geld dem Forum zukommen zu lassen, damit die Poster mit den meisten Postings etwas gewinnen können?

Naja, die meisten postings sind wohl nach wie vor von Cheatah, und der ist eh schon steinreich und braucht nix mehr. Der nächste in der Liste bin ich selber, und ich wüßte nicht, weshalb ich mir selber was spenden sollte ...

Grüße aus Berlin

Christoph S.

[Gernot Back]

Hallo Christoph,

Naja, die meisten postings sind wohl nach wie vor von Cheatah, und der ist eh schon steinreich und braucht nix mehr. Der nächste in der Liste bin ich selber, und ich wüßte nicht, weshalb ich mir selber was spenden sollte ...

Ich fürchte, du bist nur auf Platz drei, denn die Nummer eins hat alleine dieses Jahr schon mehr Postings verfasst als Cheatah und du zusammen!

Gruß Gernot

[Christoph Schnauß]

hallo,

Ich fürchte, du bist nur auf Platz drei

Stimmt, ich habe grade mal nachgezählt.

Grüße aus Berlin

Christoph S.

[Gernot Back]

Hallo Christoph,

schade, die Bronze-Madaille musst du an Cheatah abgeben. Ingo kommt noch davor. Oder läuft der außer Konkurrenz? Je nachdem, ob die Off-Topic Themen, wie dieses hier mitzählen, hab ichs vielleicht wenigstens in die Top-Ten geschafft. ;-)

Gruß Gernot

[Gernot Back]

Hallo nochmal,

schade, die Bronze-Madaille musst du an Cheatah abgeben. Ingo kommt noch davor.

Selbst Cheatah muss sie abgeben. (Dass ich Mudgaurd vergessen habe, tsetse, wer weiß wen sonst noch, also scheige ich jetzt lieber)

Gruß Gernot

[Christoph Schnauß]

hallo Gernot,

Selbst Cheatah muss sie abgeben.

Du zählst falsch. Beginne mit der Zählung 1998.

Grüße aus Berlin

Christoph S.

[Gernot Back]

Hallo Christoph,

na gut als Spender kannst du das natürlich bestimmen! Ich hätte gehofft, dass jedes Jahr jemand aus dem Forum einen Onkel aus Nigeria beerbt.

Gruß Gernot

[Candid Dauth]

Heißa, Christoph,

Naja, die meisten postings sind wohl nach wie vor von Cheatah, und der ist eh schon steinreich und braucht nix mehr. Der nächste in der Liste bin ich selber, und ich wüßte nicht, weshalb ich mir selber was spenden sollte ...

Meinst du das ernst? Für Platz 7 reicht es bei dir vielleicht noch, Cheatah ist wohl auf Platz 3 oder 4. Auch wenn eigentlich – so denke ich – kein Interesse an einer solchen Statistik besteht. Es kommt schließlich auf die Qualität der Postings an.

Gautera!
Grüße aus Biberach Riss,
Candid Dauth

[Gernot Back]

Hallo Candid,

Meinst du das ernst? Für Platz 7 reicht es bei dir vielleicht noch, Cheatah ist wohl auf Platz 3 oder 4. Auch wenn eigentlich – so denke ich – kein Interesse an einer solchen Statistik besteht. Es kommt schließlich auf die Qualität der Postings an.

Ich vermute Wahsaga auf Platz eins, quantitativ sowieso!

Gruß Gernot

[Ludger]

Hi,

frisch aus China:

"
Chen Qingxuan
Lloyds TSB Pacific Limited
Hong Kong Branch

Thank you for giving me your time. Please be patient and read my email to you.

I am a staff of Lloyds TSB Group attached in Private Banking Services. I am contacting you concerning
a customer and, an investment placed under our banks management 3 years ago, I contacted you
independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication and I would like to
intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you.

In 2000, the subject matter; ref: bb/tsb/bank/73 came to our bank to engage in business discussions
with our Private Banking Services Department. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 8.35
million United States Dollars, which he wished to have us turn over on his behalf. I was the officer
assigned to his case; I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations
officer of the Private Banking Services Department, especially given the volume of funds he wished to
put into our bank. We met on numerous occasions prior to any investments being placed. I encouraged
him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings. The favored route in my advice to customers is
to start by assessing data on 600 traditional stocks and bond managers and alternative investments.
Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for
our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 10 million United
States Dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns
on investments. In mid 2001, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an
urgent investment requiring cash payments in Europe. He directed that I liquidate the funds and had it
deposited with a firm in Europe. I informed him that our bank would have to make special arrangements
to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 %
deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges. He complained about the charges
but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us. Cash
movement across borders has become especially strict since the incidents of 9/11.

I contacted my affiliate in Europe and had the funds available in main land Europe. I undertook all the
processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited in a
security consultancy firm, the firm is a specialist private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth
individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need
immediate access to cash. This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly
placed and well-connected organizations. In line with instructions, the money was deposited. He told me
he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week. This was the last
communication we had, this transpired around 25th February 2002. In June last year, we got a call from
the security firm informing us of the inactivity of that particular portfolio. This was an astounding position
as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one
who knew about the deposit, and I could not understand why he had not come forward to claim his
deposit. I made futile efforts to locate him I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal
investigations department of our bank. Four days later, information started to trickle in, that he was
apparently dead.

A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Cannes, South of France.
We were soon enough able to identify the body and cause of death was confirmed.

The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the
situation and also to come forward to claim his estate. If you are familiar with private banking affairs,
those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from
conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking,
opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a
name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. This bank also gives the
choice to depositors of having their mail sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no
traces of the account and as I said, rarely do they nominate next of kin. Private banking clients apart
from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our care, in this case; he died in
testate.

What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is
only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The
world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who occupy certain offices and
oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I
propose. There is US$ 8,370,000.00 deposited, I alone have the deposit details and they will release the
deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so. I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far
as the finance firm, the transaction with our deceased customer concluded when I sent the funds to the
firm, all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process. The
finance firm has no single idea of what's the history or nature of the deposit. They are simply awaiting
instructions to release the deposit to any party that comes forward. This is the situation. This bank has
spent great amounts of money trying to track this man's family; they have investigated for months and
have found no family. The investigation has come to an end. My proposal; you share similar details to the
late fellow; I am prepared to place you in a position to instruct the finance firm to release the deposit to
you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with
you in half and no more. That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the
deposit to you. We share the proceeds 50/50.

I would have gone ahead to ask the funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line
to me and my involvement in claiming the deposit. But on the other hand, you with a similar name as the
original depositor would easily pass as the beneficiary with the rights to claim. I assure you that I could
have the deposit released to you in a few days. I will simply inform our bank of the final closing of the file
relating to the customer. I will then officially communicate with the finance company and instruct them to
release the deposit to you.

With these two things: all is done. The alternative would be for us to have the firm direct the funds to
another bank with you as account holder. This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the
money from the firm. We can fine-tune this based on our interactions. I am aware of the consequences of
this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that
you do not be vindictive or destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I
ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not
know this but people like myself who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole
private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do; I do not find against good conscience, this may
be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such
opportunities only come ones' way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by I hope you
understand because for once I found myself in total control and face to face with my destiny. These
chances won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me
know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity
to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth
undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me
and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a
name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Let's share the blessing.

If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this email account:
[e-mail] .

If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a conclusion. I wish to inform you that
should you contact me via official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I repeat, I do
not want you contacting me through my official phone lines nor do I want you contacting me through my
official email account. Contact me only through this email address. I do not want any direct link between
you and me. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of
customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy.

Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a family man; I happily married with
two kids. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences might be, but I
know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or
on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my
confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon.

I await your response.
Sincerely,

Chen Qingxuan"

:-(

Gruss,
Ludger

[Felix Riesterer]

Lieber Ludger,

na, _das_ ist doch mal ein anständiges Englisch! Und das von einem (angeblich) chinesischen Absender...

Liebe Grüße aus Ellwangen,

Felix Riesterer.

[Gernot Back]

Hallo Ludger,

frisch aus China:

I happily married with two kids.

andere Länder, andere Sitten, aber das erstaunt mich jetzt doch!

Gruß Gernot

[Johan]

<johan>

Der hier schlüpfte heute durch den GMX-Spamfilter:

-----8<-----------------------------------------

Dear Friend.

Compliments and Greetings.

I have been searching for a person whom we can jointly invest Trust in and also solicit an honourable  artnership with. I want to confirm
that your contact information was retrieved after a very complex and tidious process.

I represent a client and my client has interest to do
business relating to investments in your country in
areas related to agriculture or any business of your
choice, to initiate a proper and structured relationship:
Please let me know what your response will be to an offer
to receive investment funds in cash if:

1. The said fund amounts to Eight Million, Five hundred
Thousand Dollars (US).

2. The said fund is in cash and needs to be
transferred in the same state, due to restrictive
banking laws in the territory where the fund is
presently secured in cash. The banking laws do not
permit deposit of an amount in excess of Ten
Thousand Dollars so there is not way that the fund can
be banked.

3. The fund could be invested through your agency in
the purchase of facility and assets for investment
purposes within your country, in collaboration with
the agency of the current brokers.

4. This transaction will result in you being paid a
commission of 10% off the investment capital.

5. The fund owners desire absolute confidentiality
and professionalism in the handling of this matter, due
to risks of seizure of the fund and litigation if
personality is revealed.

The fund owners have interest to invest in any of
the following industries, depending on which is most not
transparent, low risk, and average profit yielding-
Power Generation, Telecommunication and Software
Development, Hardware Manufacturing and Export,
Construction or Real-Estate Development.
Based upon the information provided above, I would
like to know if you shall be able to assist in the
nature of managing the investment fund. You must
note that the fund can only be transferred in cash,
therefore if you are in acceptance to participate
with us in the investment of the fund, you shall also
need to participate with us in the transfer of the fund
in cash in the manner of receiving the fund in cash and
depositing it in a Trust account opened in favour of
the investment to be established. And this account
would serve as the base or operating account for the
investment.

I am obliged to believe that you would be able to
understand the information above, and should you
need further information, please do not hesitate to ask.
Kindly confirm receipt of this email by sending all correspondence
to **********@netscape.net. I appreciate your concern.
Sincerely
----------------------------------------->8-----

</johan>